When I first became a professional photographer, it came to my attention that a lot of photographers not only refuse to photograph gay weddings, but will also discourage others from photographing them. I felt this “pressure to conform” from everywhere within straight photography circles. I have plenty of personal stories involving this type of discrimination against the gay community, and many friends and clients have shared with me stories about these close-minded photographers. Photographers refusing to photograph same-sex marriages makes no sense at all to me, and below i’ll explain why.

My story as a gay wedding photographer:

In the beginning of my career when I was looking for advice on all sorts of things, I voiced on a pro-photographer forum that I do, in fact, photograph gay weddings. I asked advice on exactly what I am doing now – blogging about the subject to make sure the gay community knows I do offer this service. I wasn’t asking for a huge debate but boy did I get one! I received some good feedback, but most of it was definitely negative and disturbing. I was told I should keep the gay wedding photography in it’s own section of my website, away from the rest of my wedding photos. This was and is, to me, the exact opposite of right. Then it started to really hit me hard, when the follow-up posts started to roll in.

I was told that my website as it stood with gay wedding photography prominently mingling with the straight wedding photography – was “alienating my straight clients” who “don’t want to look at gay wedding photographs,” and that if I did not change things I was committing “career suicide.” One “helpful” forum member  ”Your galleries are full of weird polygamous families, -” among other things.

This conversation was long, and involved many people, most of whom shared a similar opinion to the poster mentioned above. I was crushed.

The stories of my gay wedding couples:

Every single gay couple I have spoken with who has tried to recruit a photographer for their wedding in Columbus Ohio has horror stories. I attend a lot of events, and the subject comes up more often than you would think.

I was told of a High Street studio owner who was very nice on the phone. The studio owner invited this potential client to their studio, and as any professional would be, was warm, inviting and absolutely accommodating until the “yes, it is a gay wedding” came out. The photographer replied, “I don’t believe in that” and turned their back on the customer! Another couple was actually preached to on the telephone! Most couples call 10 or so photographers, and after every kind of rejection and insult imaginable, give up and revert to letting Uncle Bob (who may or may not want to attend due to his “beliefs”) photograph the wedding for them because no one else will.

My take:

As photographers, I feel we owe a respect to our craft to just take pictures. We are not political lobbyists or religious leaders. We are observers and documentary artists. It is not our place to judge whether the scene we view in our viewfinder is right or wrong, or who is allowed partake in the activity we are documenting. We are there to preserve memories – this is the very basis of our trade. Why would we cloud our art with our own preconceived notions, or what society at large has to say for things? Shouldn’t our photographs just depict the truth? A snapshot of what is going on here and now? Gay weddings are going on whether you like it or not. Your refusal to photograph them does not make them stop happening.

I am willing to photograph just about any kind of wedding you can imagine. I don’t think you’ll see me jumping out of  any planes or scuba diving with couples though. Not because I disagree with scuba weddings, but because I am too scared of sharks and falling to my death.

Is this career suicide? I guess we will see. Personally I feel like the people who feel “alienated” by my stance on the subject, or the beautiful photos I have taken of same sex couples, or polygamous couples, probably are not the right customers for me in the first place. I refuse to sell my soul to make money from people who want to hate others.

Think.

• Would you have turned down Ellen DeGeneres if she called you up gushing “I want you to be the photographer at my SUPER GAY WEDDING!” because she’s gay? Regardless of her obvious wealth and the press you would receive from being her photographer?
• Interracial marriage was banned not so long ago, would you turn Halle Berry if she called you up and asked you to photograph her wedding  because she was marrying a white guy?
• I don’t like Justin Beiber’s music. But I wouldn’t refuse to photograph his tour, or even his head shot!
• I do not agree with most of the beliefs of the Hindu religion but I would never dream of turning down the chance to photograph a Hindu wedding!
• An abundance of pink is not my favorite thing to photograph next to a white gown, but I don’t turn down a couple because the bridesmaids will all be wearing a hot pink dress!

We are all just human beings

Photographers would do well to adopt the philosophy that we are all just human beings. Could you imagine being a couple trying to navigate the hectic events that are involved in planning a wedding – and having vendors hang up on you because of your religion? How about your race? Stop seeing gay couples as gay couples. They are just couples, just like any other. They have feelings too. I hope that this blog reaches just one photographer and changes the way they do things, even if it is to just be courteous in turning down a job. There is no need to rub salt in the wound. I just want people to think.

If they turn you down, you know who to call!

If all the other Columbus Ohio wedding photographers want to refuse to take pictures for gay couples, that’s more business for me. I would be just as happy if I photographed nothing but gay weddings; it makes no difference to me. To all the same sex couples out there, if they turn you down, I am always here! I am a proud member of the community, and would be honored to be included in your very special day.

Resources:

If you are a gay wedding vendor, feel free to email me, I would love to find other vendors to refer clients to. You can also visit Gay Weddings for local listings. Columbus residents can stop by Stonewall Columbus and grab a Lavender Listing for local gay friendly businesses. There are also many local friendly vendors who advertise in Outlook Columbus. Speaking of, one of my photos was featured in one such ad. It happens to be of two dear friends, I am very proud to have been able to photograph their wedding and couldn’t think of a better way to send off this post!

Want to see more of their photos? Visit this post: Daniels Wedding